Ten of the Dumbest Life Hacks

SIngle use.jpg1) Put your toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, and lotion in a straw.
This hack is meant for travelers. The idea is to leave your big, bulky bottles at home and take just what you need. Can we talk about how ridiculous this hack is? First of all, how are you going to get your goop into the straw? Suck it up into the tube? That sounds great. I can imagine sucking crest out of the tube and into that straw. Take a second. Think about it. Then you are going to cut your filled straw into sections (with the goop dribbling out of the ends. Finally, you have to seal the ends. It is suggested that you use your flat iron. For a start, I don’t own a flat iron and if I did, what makes you think I want melted plastic straw goo all over it? And lastly, I think we already have a single use plastic problem. I don’t think I need to make another contribution. What a stupid idea.

2) Rub banana skins on your teeth to make your teeth whiter.

banana on your teeth.jpgSupposedly the minerals in the banana peels are absorbed by the teeth, making them whiter. I wonder who the first person to do this was. Did they rub 50 banana peels on their teeth and have an “Ah-ha” moment?  Were they making a morning smoothy 50 days in a row and decided to try it out of sheer boredom? My dentist and I call shenanigans!

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3) Dip the ends of a few Q-tips in your favorite eyeshadows and put them in a plastic snack bag when traveling to save packing space.
I am not sure which genius fashionista came up with this travel hack, but they must not travel like I do.  Those Q-tips would be rubbing up against each other and 4 baggage handlers later, the only thing that would be wearing eyeshadow is the inside of that snack bag. You wouldn’t even be able to tell what the original colors were supposed to be. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

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4) Drinking Green Tea before bed will allow your body to burn calories while sleeping.
Uh, your body already burns calories when sleeping. If this really worked, I would be 100 pounds by now. I drink a lot of green tea. Besides if it really worked everyone would be doing it. But let’s be honest, name a person in your life that has lost a single pound by drinking green tea before bed? Oh, wait you know someone? Is that because they had to get up in the middle of the night and pee? Well, any beverage does that! Green tea has lots of health benefits, but real fat loss is not one of them.

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5) Before giving your kid a phone, put it in airplane mode, that way they can’t download or buy anything.
What I am getting from this hack, is that your kid isn’t very bright. Most kids I know have to show their parents how to work a smartphone. You don’t think your kid knows how to take the phone out of airplane mode? Don’t be so naïve. They know their way around a smartphone and if your kid doesn’t his friend is happy to show him.

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6) A sore throat will vanish when you drink cardamom in hot milk.
Yeah, this is a great idea, I love milk with cardamom unless I have a cold! If your sore throat wasn’t caused by yelling at your favorite football team or your kids for not doing their chores, stay away from dairy.  Most sore throats accompany an illness…you know, like a cold. Drinking milk when you have the flu or a cold is a terrific idea. Everyone likes drowning in their own mucus.

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7) Potato chips can be used to start a quick fire.
While that is great information, are you really going to put yourself in the position to light your Cool Ranch on fire? (Just exactly what kind of toxic firestarter are we ingesting?) When you planned to go camping, did it occur to you to pack along some real fire making tools? If you are going hiking, do you really have room in your pack for an air bloated bag of nacho cheese flavored chips? My guess is by the time you actually need the life-saving fire, you’ve already eaten your Doritos. I wonder if any pyros have used this method to cover their tracks?

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8) Make an ottoman out of egg crates.
So exactly how many eggs are you going to have to eat to make such creative ottoman? I am all for recycling and upcycling, but this takes it to a whole other level. Where are you going to store the 10,000 crates you are going to need for that project? Even if you enlist your friends and family to help you save, how long do you think it’s going to take you to get what you need?  You just might get’er done about the time you retire. (If you don’t die from high cholesterol first.) Whoa, look at you, you have your first retirement project! Actually, this seems more like a contest challenge you would see on a TV show for fledgling furniture designers. You have a room full of egg cartons and 30 minutes. Go!

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9) Placing your envelope in the freezer for an hour will unseal it. Good to know if you forgot to include something. What they mean to say is, if you want to snoop through someone else’s mail. Let’s face it, if you forgot to include something, you are just going to tear the envelope open and tape it back up. The only time you care to be so meticulously careful is when you don’t want to get caught snooping. By the way, the moisture in the freezer has a tendency to warp the envelope a little. Maybe they won’t notice. peanut butter.jpg

10) Peanut Butter Slices.
Food Network what were you thinking? Apparently, to save seconds on spreading peanut butter on your toast or sandwich you spread it on wax paper, rolling it flat, refrigerating the paper, then pulling it back out, peel the slice from the paper and lay it on your bread. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Way to take a super simple task and complicate it. This is the dumbest idea of them all.

 What are the dumbest hacks you’ve ever heard of?

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